Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
