wanna go halves on a baby?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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