so that wasnt chicken after all
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
