I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
