You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize