he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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