I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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