I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
