Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
