You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
