drinking out of a sandbucket again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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