Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
