Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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