Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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