I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
