seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize