i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
