Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
