Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
