It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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