What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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