My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He did a backflip because drugs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
