You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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