Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I AM VODKA MAN
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
