we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
