I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
