She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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