Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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