Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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