I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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