Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
