You work out of a Hotel?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
