The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
