I showed him my bush... on skype.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies