sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.