I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(