wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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