I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
