i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize