Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
