when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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