the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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