Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
