mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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