Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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