I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
