I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
