does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
