I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
