At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
