i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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