I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
birth control should be required to get into college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
