Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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