so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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