i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish there were birth control emojis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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