im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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