What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
