Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
