if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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