You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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