I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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