if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
