Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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