Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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